Just a heads up, I am probably thE laziest person alive. I'm not an active person nor have I ever really cared to do much physical activity...
Skip this first paragraph if you don't want to hear useless ranting about my brain last night. Yesterday was the weirdest day I've had in a while. But everything was normal except for me. Last night I got back from playing at the rescue mission with my friends Connor and Joey and I just felt overwhelmingly exhausted. It was as if I had spent the whole day walking around NYC. But I knew it couldn't really be a reaction to over-activity. It was more of a mental exhaustion that was physically affecting me. I felt like someone had given me some type of drug that threw of all the chemicals in my body. In a way I was depressed, and my poor mood was making me lethargic. So, for the first time in a long time, I went up to go to bed at the early hour of 11 pm. I knew that whatever I was feeling, whatever was going on in my body that was messing with my head, a good night sleep would definitely help that issue and make me feel normal again. I dragged into bed, totally ready to let my body and mind rest, but as soon as I hit the pillow my mind began to race like crazy. And it was driving me crazy. I felt so weird, as if I was on caffeine. It's hard to explain, but I almost felt ADHD and it felt good to hyperextend and clench my fists and arms over and over again, as if I had some form of tourettes or OCD. I tried to make it as dark in my room as I could, in hopes that the flow of melatonin would increase and knock me out. I so desperately wished I had a percocet or tranquilizer right then, it was driving me nuts. I got up a few times here and there, pacing a bit, my mind still racing. I could not stop thinking. And it was about normal things, but I wanted to do them all right then at that moment. I felt almost raged, I had energy in my once exhausted body that I desperately wanted to get rid of. I felt the urge to run like crazy down the street or buzz all my hair off again (because that was driving me more nuts than it usually does) or do something a little more destructive like punching a wall. I wanted to beat something up or scream my lungs out. I laid in bed, silent, and thought of all the things I want to do for myself, what kind of jobs I wanted to get, when and if I should get a busking permit and is my town even big enough for me to actually collect enough money or attention for that matter and am I even busking material(?), when can I finally get another piercing and will it be snakebites and who will go with me and I'm broke so I need to get some money so I really need a job.. and so on and so on. I am usually a very chill person, so I was freaking myself out, I felt like I was going insane. But of course, It could have been worse, I know. So eventually, I don't even know how or when (maybe around 3am?) I must have fell asleep. Then I woke up at my alarm ("Less Talk" by Queens Club, good stuff) and I saw light outside through my dark shades. I felt like I warped to this point and all I could remember was my mental fight last night, it felt like just a few moments ago. So I kind of felt like I hadn't really gotten much sleep at all. I restlessly tried to sleep in for just a short time and then I got up cause I finally had the chance to do something and get my energy out. But when I got up I was tired again. Not as bad as last night but my mood had changed a bit and my body was legitimately physically tired from lack of sleep. But I still got up. I needed to do something, I had promised myself that I would. Plus I don't think that I would really have been able to sleep very well if I tried to sleep some more.
... Basically, I had a forced revelation. I need to get back into exercising and eating right. I have been neglecting my health for too long now and it almost literally drove me crazy last night. So, this morning I rode for 15 minutes on the exercise bike, listening to some hardcore music on Pandora and getting as much of my rage out as I could without completely disabling myself. I'll have to start all over again now. Last time I exercised was maybe in September 2010, so I'm long over-due. And especially because of my heart issue I really should be more careful about my health. My heart is supposedly fixed and functioning normally now but Doc and the rents say that I still should be more careful anyways.
There are a couple people that I have to credit for my recent inspiration to get in-shape. One of those people is a girl named Echo. She is dealing with some incredible health issues right now but her positivity and mental strength have left me in awe-struck amazement. She is house-bound and losing strength due to malnourishment. The only huge difference between me and her is that she lOVEs to exercise and she has mentioned that she's been wanting to get into body building. But now she is stuck in-doors and has barely enough energy to practice using her new helmet (thank God for the helmet, she'll finally be able to access medical care). She so wishes that she could be exercising and eating healthy, but she can't. Wow, that puts things into perspective. I'm not exercising or eating healthy simply because I'm too lazy to do so, but she isn't exercising or eating healthy because she literally cannot! Let's just say, now I feel more lazy and jerk-ish than ever. So that's a huge encouragement for me to enjoy the simple things of life, including exercise, that will benefit me in a great way. Thank you Echo for the inspiration and encouragement!
And then there is Joe, from ModxMovement, a heavy guy who recently decided to get in shape and lose some poundage. He said one of the simplest but one of the most brilliant things ever - He said that exercising and body-building and taking care of your body is really a form of body modification. And he is part of the mod culture so he found this as a great way to approach his exercising journey. Brilliant, I love it! And I'm also quite into the mod culture, I only have stretched ears but I still absolutely treasure them and I love all kinds of mods. I think they are beautiful and I admire the commitment of modders. And I know that stretching and having other piercings takes time, care, patience, and commitment. So, thank you Joe for sharing your brilliant perspective!
So I'm back on the road to getting ripped. This is my attempt, and my contract to all who are listening, to Echo, to Joe, to my the Doc and my rents, and to myself...